“Mayonnaise in the head” or about the teenage crisis

Some time ago, a family raising a teenager came for consultation. One of the parents is a practicing psychologist. We met in a professional environment, a specialist who commands respect, is endearing, and generally impresses.

And the child has typical “teenage” problems, such as self-doubt, dissatisfaction with appearance, etc.

And no, this is not a post-exposure of the “shoemaker without boots”, this is a post about the fact that everyone has a teenage crisis, and it is desirable that it pass in teenagers.

I use a simplified periodization of parent-child relationships:

idealization — “Mom is the most beautiful, dad is the strongest,” children want to be like their parents. I am not considering here cases of unfulfilled relationships between parents, when a child “gets offended because of someone,” more often than not, because of the one with whom he stays: “Dad is bad, he left us.” In this case, the mother is idealized and the father is demonized; in this case, subsequently adolescence is somewhat more difficult. devaluation — “You don’t understand anything, only my friends know.” Children do not want to be like their parents, and this is a normal stage of personality development. Here I would like to quote Mark Twain: “When I was fourteen, my father was so stupid that I could hardly stand him; but when I was twenty-one years old, I was amazed at how much this old man had grown wiser in the last seven years.” Reverence , or acceptance…