Member-only story
Love me for who I am
I would like to touch on the issue of trust in relationships. The basis of trust, oddly enough, is self-care in a relationship. On a plane — how much can I take care of myself next to another. How often behind the banal “I don’t trust anyone because I was abandoned, deceived, betrayed in the past, and I don’t trust anyone” is the banal expectation from a partner that he or she will begin to play the role of mom or dad and take care of the needs of the other more than about our own. I came across settings of dependent relationships, where people start playing their own game, and expect others to start playing by their rules. And they find it. And they play. This is facilitated by popular psychology, which “stuffs” men and women into stereotypes of correct models without taking into account our individual characteristics and our personal history. This is where so much pain and disappointment comes from. No two men and women are alike. All relationships are unique, and are built on the willingness to understand and realize that each person, first of all, can best know what and how and when HE needs and what he does not need. And voice it. Therefore, dialogue, lively and open, and a willingness to take care of yourself as much as possible in a relationship, from simple requests to discussing your important habits, can solve the problem of mistrust and fear of new relationships. In practice, this looks like a request, demands on people…
