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Help the family yourself
“Now I’m going home with joy. There were days when I walked up to the front door and stood next to it for two minutes. I didn’t want to go into the apartment because I knew that now we would fight, again, about everything. And now I come back and think: I wish I could get there soon.”
A happy person can have a happy family. Many people think that, on the contrary, they need to start a family, and this will bring happiness. But the illusion crumbles into dust already in the first year of marriage. It turns out that with the creation of a family, the number of difficulties does not decrease, but increases. It turns out that the other person cannot solve our problems — after all, he has enough of his own. A critical case is when both partners see the other as a rescuer, onto whom they can shift responsibility for their own well-being. This leads to mutual resentment, misunderstanding and disappointment.
“It became easier and calmer. We no longer quarrel over little things, we stopped quarreling altogether. Why argue if everything can be discussed calmly? And I noticed that he began to trust me more, to tell me more. And I tell him. We have become closer to each other.”
These are excerpts from a series of interviews with participants in a therapy group that I led as part of my research work. The main purpose of our meetings was to develop abilities for…
